once my wonderful little helper and Mediator is gone, I will be left alone with “the boys”.when they’re all together at once, it can get insane, I admit. but the level in which the boys “let loose” is quadrupled when [...]]]>
Zoe only has 2 weeks until school starts and I’m already fearing for my life.

once my wonderful little helper and Mediator is gone, I will be left alone with “the boys”.
when they’re all together at once, it can get insane, I admit. but the level in which the boys “let loose” is quadrupled when they are left alone together.

Zoe is their buffer, she mellows them a bit. she keeps them in check. she is, after all, the “boss”.

when Zoe goes to grandma and papa’s for a sleepover, all hell is unleashed.
it’s like the two of them compare notes and try to think up the most dastardly stunts to pull on mommy while they have the chance.

tips for boys who who are looking to combine forces:

rummage through the recycling bin of pop cans and newspaper.
try and shoot for 5 times in one morning.

stick the shiniest, skinniest object you can find in every available outlet.
shoot for three or four times in one morning.

pull all the pillows off the couches.
300 times in one hour. (try hard to multi-task other shenanigans with this one. you’ll find, it’s quite effective.)

pour contents of cereal box onto the kitchen floor. it is best to try this one at least once each day just to keep mommy on her toes. (it’s fun to watch her pull out the vacuum cleaner because then you can take turns pulling the cord out of the wall while she tries to clean your mess up.)

open the fridge and pull out the milk. but the milk is too heavy, so you drop it on the floor and the plastic carton cracks and now you have a nice milk pond to play in for the next 5 minutes. (this only works when the milk carton is just opened and barely used, so pull the milk out on a daily basis just to check.)

engage in sword fights with any long hard objects you can round up. chase each other through the house screaming and fighting.
call each other names like, “poop head” and stick your tongue out at each other.

if mommy gives you something to drink, sneak it over to the couch and sprinkle it all over the cushions. now hide the cup somewhere or put it back on the table so mommy won’t find what you’ve done until the stain has set in.

take turns strangling each other while you both giggle and choke simultaneously.

take turns whining throughout the day about whatever floats your boat.
“I’m hungry.”
“I’m thirsty”
“He pushed me.”
“HE pushed ME, first.”
these all work well.

when mommy looks like she has just about reached the end of her rope, tug on it just a little harder, repeat all the steps a couple more times until she pulls out the Industrial size bottle of “Excedrin”.

your job is complete.

~Zachary and Zander

*and don’t you dare think for one second that any of this is made-up!