Two full weeks of relaxing, rejuvenating, therapeutic……Oh,…..wait, I forgot. My kids aren’t going to be in school….My three year old won’t be with my mother all day….For TWO WHOLE weeks!And thanks to two [...]]]>
Thanks to having the most wonderful and understanding employers in the entire world, I have all of Christmas Break off of work.

Two full weeks of relaxing, rejuvenating, therapeutic……
Oh,…..wait, I forgot. My kids aren’t going to be in school….
My three year old won’t be with my mother all day….
For TWO WHOLE weeks!
And thanks to two consecutive Winter Blizzards having swept across the Pacific Northwest, there’s a wall of fresh white snow standing tall behind the wheels of my car…..
And not a single adult to interact with as far as the mouth eye can scream see.

Crap.

It would appear my Winter Wonderland may be quickly shifting towards the likes of an epic Horror film.

once my wonderful little helper and Mediator is gone, I will be left alone with “the boys”.when they’re all together at once, it can get insane, I admit. but the level in which the boys “let loose” is quadrupled when [...]]]>
Zoe only has 2 weeks until school starts and I’m already fearing for my life.

once my wonderful little helper and Mediator is gone, I will be left alone with “the boys”.
when they’re all together at once, it can get insane, I admit. but the level in which the boys “let loose” is quadrupled when they are left alone together.

Zoe is their buffer, she mellows them a bit. she keeps them in check. she is, after all, the “boss”.

when Zoe goes to grandma and papa’s for a sleepover, all hell is unleashed.
it’s like the two of them compare notes and try to think up the most dastardly stunts to pull on mommy while they have the chance.

tips for boys who who are looking to combine forces:

rummage through the recycling bin of pop cans and newspaper.
try and shoot for 5 times in one morning.

stick the shiniest, skinniest object you can find in every available outlet.
shoot for three or four times in one morning.

pull all the pillows off the couches.
300 times in one hour. (try hard to multi-task other shenanigans with this one. you’ll find, it’s quite effective.)

pour contents of cereal box onto the kitchen floor. it is best to try this one at least once each day just to keep mommy on her toes. (it’s fun to watch her pull out the vacuum cleaner because then you can take turns pulling the cord out of the wall while she tries to clean your mess up.)

open the fridge and pull out the milk. but the milk is too heavy, so you drop it on the floor and the plastic carton cracks and now you have a nice milk pond to play in for the next 5 minutes. (this only works when the milk carton is just opened and barely used, so pull the milk out on a daily basis just to check.)

engage in sword fights with any long hard objects you can round up. chase each other through the house screaming and fighting.
call each other names like, “poop head” and stick your tongue out at each other.

if mommy gives you something to drink, sneak it over to the couch and sprinkle it all over the cushions. now hide the cup somewhere or put it back on the table so mommy won’t find what you’ve done until the stain has set in.

take turns strangling each other while you both giggle and choke simultaneously.

take turns whining throughout the day about whatever floats your boat.
“I’m hungry.”
“I’m thirsty”
“He pushed me.”
“HE pushed ME, first.”
these all work well.

when mommy looks like she has just about reached the end of her rope, tug on it just a little harder, repeat all the steps a couple more times until she pulls out the Industrial size bottle of “Excedrin”.

your job is complete.

~Zachary and Zander

*and don’t you dare think for one second that any of this is made-up!

today was, however, somewhat eventful. I got some things taken care of in preperation for our new dwelling. we move in this weekend quietly screaming and I have to finish boxing [...]]]> and I am so depressed that this is my first encounter with my computer today.(aside from a quick comment on my favorite NEW blog.

today was, however, somewhat eventful. I got some things taken care of in preperation for our new dwelling. we move in this weekend quietly screaming and I have to finish boxing stuff up here, clean this place down to the bones, paint the kitchen, livingroom/dining area and the basement family room at the new place and I promised a friend I would watch her baby Wednesday afternoon and all day Friday!

so, I ask you….am I completely insane?
why am I doing this to myself? I had no idea I was a sadist!

if there are any heavy chores you have piling up, feel free to ask me for some help. apparently I’m in just the mood to take on tasks I cannot humanly carry out.
not without alcohol, anyway! or an extremely heavy sedative.

I guess it’s just the “desperate mother” in me that can’t say no to a friend. I know my friend needs me desperately to watch her baby. and I know my friend who is managing the house we are moving into, needs my help desperately with the painting.
I just can’t turn down those “puppy dog” eyes of a mommy-in-need. and these particular mommies-in-need are both mothers of five! (that number has desperation written all over it, people!)

so if you don’t see any posts here for a while, you know where I’ll be.

getting myself measured for one of these…..

I wonder if they have one in pink?

Rice Cooker Surprise

tempura chickencinnamon

combine ingredients into a rice cooker already filled with steamed rice. stir.

NOTE: make sure your mommy is out of the room before trying out this recipe.

Carpet Pancakes

a [...]]]> a collection of interesting concoctions Zander has made up in the past while playing in the kitchen, unbeknownst to mommy.

Rice Cooker Surprise

tempura chicken
cinnamon

combine ingredients into a rice cooker already filled with steamed rice. stir.

NOTE: make sure your mommy is out of the room before trying out this recipe.

Carpet Pancakes

a box of Bisquick
maple syrup
shortening

combine ingredients on mommy’s dining room floor. stir with hands until well mashed into carpet fibers.

NOTE: plug your ears while your mommy screams bloody murder at the sight of your work.

Instant Buzz

1/3 bottle of over the counter Benadryl
cayenne pepper

shake half the container of ceyenne onto the kitchen floor. pour remainder of the Benadryl onto floor. go ahead and take a swig or two of the Benadryl and dump a fare share down your shirt and pants mommy just put on you 5 minutes ago.
now, lick the cayenne pepper off of your hands until you begin seeing stars and flames shoot out of your ears. sneeze.

NOTE: make sure to fall asleep right away so your mommy will completely lose her mind in worry.